Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Month We Gave Up

Since hiding our mistakes and ignoring our problems is how we got into this mess in the first place, I feel obligated to talk about "the month we gave up." It is not easy to admit our shame. But it must be said.

Last month, May, was a miserable failure for us. So much so that by the end of the month we had just given up. In starting June, my husband just wanted to wipe the slate clean and start all over. It was tempting. But I felt we really needed to figure out where we stood. How much trouble we had gotten into.

Sure we could look at all that happened and justify it....
{our son needed surgery, our daughter needed to go to the ER and get staples, we had family obligations that required us to travel when our budget was already stretched thin, bills that showed up out of no where 5 months after I had surgery.} These are all reasons why we went over and way into our Emergency savings. But it is worse than that. We gave up. We realized what a mess we were in and we made the mess worse. We let it get really bad. I just wanted the month to end. There are a few other reasons that my husband says were "planned" for but since I don't know how those books were kept, I *guess* that isn't a contributor. And the only thing that kept us from bouncing checks and overdrafting or using credit cards again, is that we use the previous months funds to pay this month's expenses. It was a choice we made and set up after our tax return gave us a cushion so that we always have a cushion, and never have to worry if all the expenses come due before that month's pay check. The problem with that now is we no longer have the cushion. We are now back on the pay check to pay check budget and because we still have all those bills from last month, we aren't paying any debt this month. We are back on baby step one.

I feel like we are failures. Like we have lost a battle. But you know why we are not? Because we figured it out and we are getting back on track. It is what repentance and starting over is all about. We all make mistakes, we all feel like giving up. Satan wants us to believe that when when make a mistake that is the end. We can't listen to his lies. We must get back up and keep going.

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